So things are still the same, the house has been sold, and we are moving mid June. I am looking for somewhere to live, but its hard to find something nice enough that is affordable.
I've hit a bit of depression funk, with the move, having no social life these days, and job issues.
I have spent a lot of time at home by myself...and now I'm sick of myself. Living by myself is going to be hard. I'm lonely and can't do anything. I'm saving money that eventually I'll get to spend when I move. But I can't plan a holiday, or buy cool stuff...I just feel stuck.
In other news, I have been doing a lot of memory reading. I noticed that my ability to remember so much stuff is something that bothers me with other people. I get annoyed that they don't remember things, when I do....such as conversations or plans. I remember conversations in detail, and then get frustrated when other people don't remember. I remember all kinds of situations and events, whether they are everyday or of importance. Sometimes the fact that I remember everything drives me crazy. I get worked up going over and over bad times, or conversations where someone has put me down.
I don't remember everything though...I don't remember every single aspect of a tv show, or song lyrics, or information relating to my studies (for some reason). But I can remember facts. I can remember who is on a naughty list at work. Or if a business has come up in conversation before. I can remember what I wore or someone else wore to work. I can recite scenes from tv...and remember names and faces. -Sometimes it takes a little while, but I can retrieve things...like some details are hidden further away.
I also have very vivid dreams and can often remember them in detail when I wake up.
My brain is full of good and bad memories from my life. My earliest memory is from when I was 2 and a half the day after my brother was born when my dad picked me up from my Grandparents house. I have tons of memories from then onwards. While I am not good with specific dates, I can replay memories in my head, like watching an episode of tv.
Maybe this is related to my love of tv...the fact that I view life like a tv show...with each moment being part of an episode of a greater season.
Who knows how memory works....its a mystery. Maybe someday I will be able to forget all the bad stuff...but maybe not. I love that I have a great memory, as it makes me feel important at work. But I am working on not judging people on their lack of memory for these kinds of things. I am starting to realise that I am special in this way, and it is not their fault for not remembering.
Hopefully once everything is settled in a few months, I can relax, and start thinking about the future and less about the past and this past 6 months which has been extremely stressful.
