So its been a whirlwind few months for me. I've gone through a lot.
I lost my Grandma the wednesday before Christmas. So that week was really hard. So much has been going on that I am still processing it now. I miss her so much. She was my favorite family member, and the family member I was closest too.
The funeral was the day after boxing day, so that was just a mad week.
There have been tradies working on my house since November, fixing it up for sale. The constant change of my family home of 28 years hasn't been easy for me. I have not handled it well. I freaked out about changes and once I got upset about that, I lost it about everything...and couldn't control it. I've been having lots of fights.
Its a lot of change in a short amount of time. And I've lived here all my life...that little changes make me sad, and its hard to imagine moving out and someone else having my house.
Then the house went on the market a few weeks ago. And inspections started last saturday. I feel my mum and sister are not keeping the house tidy, and we were rushing around last week getting ready. I fought with mum...cause I am feeling alone. I don't get to talk to mum, because Nicole is always around and telling me to get out. Plus the only thing Mum and I used to do was drive to visit Grandma and I can't do that anymore. Plus once we move and I got to my own place...I won't have mum to chat to. I will be alone and I am liking the idea of that less and less.
Also I got ambushed the other day at work. I was told by my boss Marc that I HAD to go work wit the footpath trading team...which isn't terrible and not a different area or anything. I just really really liked the Development Permits side and was getting really good at that. I liked working with Jill. And I feel I was better at it than some of the others. Plus the fast pace of it is great.
So I kinda lost it. They pretty much said I had to do it. So that bummed me out.
This was the first week working on the other stuff. Its ok. But I've been moving around different seats...and I feel a bit isolated. I don't get to chat to customers on the phone all day, or get to talk to other people on the pod. Especially now that I'm in the little room, with just the two desks. But maybe I'll adjust eventually. The last time I did the job, I had a bit of a breakdown. So that really worries me. But I think there might be more for me to do this time around. Last time I was bored out of my mind. Plus if things get bad I might start looking for a new job.
Another inspection tomorrow....so its all changing fast. Gotta start thinking about finding a place to live. Scary freaking stuff.
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Carlie
